This is never ending

I'm trying to write and essay for my english class its due tomorrow but i just can't concentrate. I miss him. There is not doubt in my mind that this whole situation has totally screwed me up. I have nightmares i can't eat and sleeping past 9 am is out of the question. In bed at 2 wake up at 9 which is weird for me im a good sleeper. I wish that we could see each other more I'm worried about him and I'm worried about my self. I CANT just stop thinking about this when your with someone almost everyday for a year and then you dont see or hear from them for days or weeks at a time its like he's dead. I dont know if i will ever get my friend back. and it scares me. i thought we had a very strong realtionship and this has reminded me that nothing is perminent. Now im even scared for my own life. i keep having visions that i might die: car crash, lightning, gunshot to name a few. Or even my best friend Michelle maybe we arent that close any day now she could just stop talking to me because someone convinses her that im a loser. I feel like a rock on the edge of the ocean all i can do is sit back in horrer and watch the wind and sand and waves break off little peices of me till there's nothing left. I can only anticipate what's going next.
And i am hurting already.
i had a dream about him again last night and i WOKE UP in tears. Have you ever experienced that? I have only once before when iggy died.
I dont like dreaming any more i dont like sleeping i dont like eating i dont like drawing. . . no i dont i dont like any thing.
every thing rubes me the wrong way like sand paper on a fresh side walk scrape.
I only hope that one day he comes back as a friend yes definetly. . . but i want us back. . . .i want US back because i think we can make it work. . . at least i hope so. . . im not sure any more.
Oh and the split personalitys yeah i still have them. thats one of the reasons i cant sleep