Maureen says this during her performance, and i suppose its true. I did hit the bottom no doubt about that. The things i typed on Microsoft Word and didn't put in this blog are much darker and worst than what i did put here.
At the bottom of the ocean i got wedged on some rocks scratched bruised and i have some opened wounds, but i think i might have crossed the path of a slow moving current. yes I'm gonna stay down here for a while but at least I'm moving again(not up just moving). and i suppose that the only way out of this is up.
I was worried for a bit there because i passed some trenches and i wasn't to sure if i was going to sink into one of them.
Which brings me to a touchy subject . . .death.
I mean what am i doing talking about death at 2:32 am when i should be sleeping right? whats wrong with this girl?
The truth is allot.
When you can feel eyes burning into your scull and feel things that "aren't there". When you can hear voices telling you to do things and when you can see your life flash before your eyes all day long there IS something wrong with you.
I still think no matter what any one says (and no one can convince me otherwise) i did something wrong. Every thing fell apart because of me somehow it was my fault (i know it).
I STILL FEEL THAT I CAN FALL INTO THAT TRENCH
its so close i mean how can i avoid something so massive
i almost got into a huge car accident, and everywhere i go i . . . well i see my life . . .end. its creepy i know even for me i don't get a kick out of any of this but i don't know if i can hold up to this much longer. even now in my dark bedroom someones smiling while i grimace in fear.
I have a reason for being here a very important one but i just cant justify it any more and so since Ive lost that understanding all of these thoughts or visions or what ever they are keep multiplying. I almost wanted to believe the only way out wasn't up DON'T FREAK OUT i would never do that to myself NEVER. . . but i thought something else would.
If this doesn't make one bit of sense to you i totally understand. I'm just scared that even though I'm swept up in this current i still might not see the light of day again even if i don't fall into the trench I'm afraid to leave the bottom because its all i have left from before and i don't know if I'm ready to be on my own. The ocean is enormous how am i supposed to who i can swim with especially because i trusted my pod before and now not only do i have no pod but I'm lost.
right now all i can do is float through this currant and hope it takes me out of here maybe with enough time it will take me home and if not and someone only wants to forget then all i can hope for is i find the only way out if i can choose it WILL be up.
(DORY
No..no, you can't! Stop! Please don't go away. Please? No one's ever stuck with me for
so long before. And if you leave, if you leave...I just, I remember things better with you.
I do... I remember it, I do. It's there, I know it is
because when I look at you, I can feel it. And I, I look
at you and...I'm home. Please.
I don't want them to go away. I don't wanna forget.
MARLIN
I'm sorry, Dory, but I do. -Finding Nemo)
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