The first cold day of the year

So the first chills of winter rolled in last night and today the weather was beautiful. But the world felt thin. Some thing felt off. Maybe it's the lack of what I've had in the past year. The cold weather is kind of like when you're walking and you catch a whiff of something that reminds you of your past. Smell is one of the strongest forms of nostalgia and for me so is weather. Winter always means alot to me the whole family time together and this year im going to be alone. all the people i usually spend christmas with have moved or changed there plans. my moms going to viset her boy friend and im just going to open my presents eat lunch and go to bed no doubt it will be a long day with nothing to do. Lately I've been feeling like something's missing (i know what that is) but now i have to go through another year of firsts. First Christmas, first cold day, first new year, and so on. *Sigh it's a shame that things have ended up the way they are i hate it i HATE IT confrontation killes me inside but what can i do? I'm not in control any more so all i can do is float on the breeze and hope that end up some where better than here. i just dont know where that will be and unfortunatly i know the only one that will always be there for me is me. i know that i will always be by my side. In the end i guess its better that way