Meh

*bangs head into a wall
Why do i have to feel like this i've been fine for a couple of weeks now. But in the last couple of days i just want to see him more than any thing.
I dont want him to think i hate him.
I dont want him to think . . .i dont know
My worries are stupid it dosent matter. It dosent matter at all if i call, text, aim, what ever, if i go find him to say hi, it won't matter either.
The "time" he needs just makes me begin to think that he just dosent want to be friends at all.
I mean i need my time too REALLY I've been alot better just doing what i want. But im starting to miss Ian (not the boy friend ian) but the ian i knew before all that.
I keep thinking about Ultra thats what's really making me sad.
I dont know if we're gonna be back to being friends by then. I LOVE GOING TO ULTRA WITH IAN i cant imagine going with any one else it's been our thing for the past few years.
But i dont think hes gonna want to go with me any more.
. . .
I wrote a poem yesterday it came out of nowhere i like it but of corse its a sad one i might post it i might not.
The only thing i wish for right now is to know whats going on on his side of the spectrum.
I wish i could know if he thinks we are still going to be friends. I wanna know that every thing is gonna work itself out.
I wish i could know when the life boat was gonna pick me up because the water out here is choppy and im getting tired.
(Ian i wish you would talk to me soon)
(v you dont have to comment still just venting)