so ian stopped but to pick up something from me. its kinda weird when i heard his ring tone i didnt even react right away i was just like , oh my phone's ringing hm. then i realized it was his ring tone and i was like , oh crap answer! but yeah it was hard seeing him by biggest wish come true and the first thing he did is what happened in my dream. the only difference this time was i lost control and broke down (how embarrassing). he kissed my cheek and came in got what he came for and i got to look at him i wanted to see him smile but i guess we both arent ready for that yet. then before he left he gugged me and i just lost it all i could think was "oh god (this is every thing i wanted for the past few days (pathetic i know) ) " and so i cried a bit. he told me he knows im stronger than this. but right now i'm not and to be honest i dont think thats gonna change for a while. now i know ian can read this and my intention is not to make him feel like crap (please dont if you are reading this) i just need to say somethings more or less in the open because i feel like exploding the sensation to check on him is so strong i want to know hes safe and i think thats why i keep dreaming of him. well i cant really crontrol that because the only cure for that is not to sleep.
on another note today michelle and i are gonna go to the beach. im hoping being there will help me sort of meditate and let some things go. see i kinda know how this whole thing is gonna turn out im just waiting for him to come around and say it. the only problem with this is my instincts are sending me other messages making me not believe what i know will happen. complicated i know . the mind is a very curious thing. well ttfn.
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What did he come for?
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