Geeezz that was hard!!!

After about 30 minutes of tinkering with passwords and user names i finally squirmed my way back on to my blog page.

and now down to business. . .

I dont know if ian even bothers to read his page any more but this is kinda my ENRAGED OUTCRY in his general direction of Cyberspace.

I have never wanted to be the kind of girl friend to restrict my significant other from seeing close friends of the opposite sex. HOWEVER i am opposed to that same significant other

ONE doing MATH amongst other things several times a week with this very close/ "only" friend

TWO not telling me about it conveniently until the hanging out is about to commence or has already commenced/ telling me about it and not expecting my attitude to go from chipper to flat-line in .2 seconds

and
THREE being bothered and in somewhat disbelief that i dont trust him with her because he LOVES ME <3<3<3

Now of course there other factors that need to be taken into account. I know from an outside stand point this dose come across MOST possessive, clingy, and down right ANNOYING. The growing dilemma started with rising feelings of irritation and the loss of my friendship with the girl i shall refer to as Mia(and if ian reads this he will appreciate the irony in my name choice). I have long been friends with Mia and an all to common rivalry has existed between us from day one all in good fun of course. Over time her rivalry became increasingly hostile and to personal. Constantly bringing up personal soft spots such as money situations playing a constant one-up-game. A final straw came up when i found that Mia had taken advantage of Ian's break up with me to do something no "FRIEND" should do when another friend is grieving about an ended relationship. And so, since then motives have been questioned and trust has been compromised.

As for sir ian Trust is there BUT trust still must be earned and for that matter KEPT!!!!

Unfortunately things that happen dont just up and blow away. I remember. . .
I know that up until THE WHOLE BREAK UP i suspected nothing trust was always 100% and i never accused ian of any thing including flirting. As of now all i can say is i trust ian but my natural instincts suspect the worst. Every thing was perfect before all of this and now i cant be blamed for having a suspicious mind.

I dont believe ian will cheat he loves me and i love him. . . but he loved me before and all of this happened with ian loving me in the first place or not. All i can do now is wait till these feelings dissipate.

The relationship right now is suffering when He's alone with her I'm upset and anxious. But i will do what i can to put the peaces back together but i need help. I need ians trust and ians support too.